Sixteen Weeks

Here we are at sixteen weeks:

Yes...my pants are screaming. Don't feel too sorry for them, they are now on a well deserved sabbatical.

Not much has changed this week, but I did learn a very valuable lesson. Never, EVER, watch infomercials while you're pregnant. James went hunting this weekend which means I had forty-eight hours alone with the DVR, takeout food, and quality television.

So, Saturday night, I was flipping through 262 channels to find something to watch and what did I stumble across? TV Gold!! It was an infomercial for Nutrisystem. And because people who lose half their body weight fascinate me, I settled in to watch.

(While drinking a milkshake.)

Here's where I have to make a confession. The infomercial did its job and sucked me in for 30 minutes of testimonies, "if you order within the next 20 minutes", tears, and Marie Osmond. I was convinced this program was going to change my life. I would be the first woman to give birth to a healthy baby and resemble Heidi Klum at the same time.

(Hook, Line and Sinker!)

By the time James got home on Sunday afternoon, I had already perfected my sales pitch. I used phrases such as, "We will save an average of $200/month", "Yes, I know I'm pregnant but now’s the time to get healthy", and "I understand that they send you 28 days worth of food in one box, but you're wrong, the food is not processed...it is very fresh".

WOW! Can you say brainwashed.

Once I realized that he was not caving, I started to cry.

Low and shameful? Yes!

Did it work? Not one bit.

Thank goodness that hunting season is over. Clearly I'm too impressionable to be left alone for long periods of time.

Between my growing body, the dry skin goatee, and continued adult acne, I've decided it would be a better use of my time and mental state to cover myself with a paper bag and focus on inner beauty.